Day 1......Taking a Deep Breath

What a day to start finding my true happiness! I woke up to my cat, Tia, standing on top of the nightstand next to the bed crying in my face. This was at 5:40 a.m. and set off a chain of events that ended with the aroma of Folgers creeping its head into my bedroom fifteen minutes later. Both dogs, Briggon and Gisele, heard Tia and ran from the hallway into my room, ready to attack. Incase I forgot to tell you, this was all at 5:40 a.m. I covered my head with my pillow listening to Mike take the dogs outside for their morning BM's, then he came inside and started the coffee pot. I quickly ran for the bedroom door to shut it, turned the air conditioner on, put the eye mask I have on standby over my eyes, and whisked myself back into my dream of Channing Tatum teaching me dance moves for an audition of "Step Up 3". Pure bliss.

One thing that I am definitely going to work on during these 100 days is my morning-self. Apparently, when I first arise for a brand new day, I am bitchy. Not always mind you, only when there is someone else in the apartment. Even in the morning, as I learned this morning, I feel the need to have the last word. Having a petty argument this morning that I cannot even recall the basis of tonight proves that my last word will not be remembered. Thus, what was the point of almost starting the day off with a negative situation? Tricky stuff that I am dealing with here. I will try to think with my head (gulp), instead of rushing to open my mouth.

In all honesty, I have no desire to speak of my job, but for this to be an honest blog, I will be an honest person. To grow as a person, I need to open myself 100% in order to fully view the extent of chaos in my life and blah, blah, blah. I just may not always be specific, but being a small-town boy, more times than not, I will be. :)

Being layed off and losing my job has never really affected me......until today. My stomach was in knots. I had that feeling in my stomach where it felt like an ulcer, a kidney stone, a gallbladder stone, and appendicitis were fusing together to form some sort of mid-body crisis that made me wish Pepto Bismol ran from the tap. I was insanely nervous and became numb to the fact that I very well could become a member of an economical statistic for 2009......the bad side. I noticed how everytime that I made myself nervous about my job, I would run outside and have a cigarette. I am going to do my best to completely quit smoking, so tomorrow at work rather than reach for a Parliament Light, I am going to take cheap Vodka and keep it close by and reach for it instead. I'm kidding, I'll take some amazingly refreshing peppermint gum. Maybe three packs. Seriously though, I am always so sorry to hear of people losing their employment due to the recession just as much as I despise even hearing about the recession, and I never thought that I would have to worry about it. I may not have to much longer. I can faintly make out a door closing, but I see a small window that's open right above it and with my new approach to not eating carbs, my ass may very well fit through it, but we will have to see, and for now, this is the end of this topic.

I walked the 35 minutes home from work today. This truly gives me enjoyment. It lets me clear my head and the funny thing is I don't even think about anything while I'm walking home. Maybe that's why I love it so much. There is no bank account (or lack there of) going through my head, no bills, no chores to do; it is utter peace. It is me smiling for 35 minutes and breathing and living and not worrying. It is one thing I shall do more of.

I will tuck myself in tonight knowing that I put forth an honest effort towards my goal of sublime happiness, a small one maybe, but at least it was an effort, and hopefully tomorrow it will not be as exhausting. ;)

Goodnight.

P.S. I only said the word 'shit' twice today, and the word 'asshole' once, but he deserved it and who am I to not tell the truth. Only three uses of profanity in one day? My languauge is definitely getting better, which makes me feel better.