Saturday, April 3, 2010

A Furniture Salesman Walks Into A Bar.........

I quit my job Friday morning and it felt amazing. I have for so long wanted to write that sentence. It's not the fact that its retail, because I really do love people and I used to love that place so much. It just changed, for the worse, and I could no longer be a part of it. I hear so many people say that they hate their jobs, and in the back of everyone's mind is, "well, it can't be THAT bad." In my case it was, so I quit. Case closed. :)

It would be so much easier if happiness could just appear. I sarcastically love how I can find happiness by quitting my job, but, happiness will ensue after enduring the part of finding another one. My job should not define me nor my happiness. I work to live, I do not live to work. I was, however, letting my work create a huge gray "Peanuts" type cloud over my head, and it was with me everywhere - in my sleep, in my home life, in my car, in my e-mail......this shouldn't have happened. I took necessary steps to try and rectify the situation. These steps did not work, no matter how professional they were taken. Some people just become drunk with power and when you do everything right, it becomes an intimidation, and it comes down to me being too young for growth. *bullshit* Isn't that funny? I'll take that as a compliment, because I am very young looking, and I will not suffer as you are right now. That deserves a smiley face. :) And my numbers spoke for themselves which deserves two smiley faces. :) :) But that's just me being a bit spiteful.

Thankfully, the sun was shining and it was 84 degrees outside on the day I quit. I was thankful, I took it in, and I went to the beach with my dogs. I didn't think about not having a job, I took the day to not worry about anything (because it was a very stressful week, despite work), and it was amazing. When you are standing with your feet in the sand, and you see so much life and the enjoyment of it and the warmth of the sun is burning your face and you have a Double Diet Coke Big Gulp in your hand - it's euphoric. I went to bed that night and had the best sleep of my life - who cares if a generic sleeping pill was involved.

Backtracking to the beginning of the week - Bryan flew in from TX on Sunday. We had fun that day, and that was the start of my not smoking. The next night we went to the Big Gay Supper Club, and I drank way too much, which honestly is not like me - and it was a long night that I want to forget, so that's what I'm doing. I didn't do anything bad (I don't think) but I lost my fucking driver's license which was a Texas DL. Now I have to take everything I own to the DMV so I can assure them that I am me. Bryan flew back on Tuesday and that afternoon, Mike and I packed up the dogs and drove up to Racine, WI. Why?? I dunno. Cheese, we wanted good cheese, and we found an assload of it at a lesbian antique store called Tim and Tom's. :) I call it a lesbian antique store because lesbians were running the place. Ton's of Coca-Cola memorabilia. I could be wrong, and they very well could have been Tim and Tom 8 years ago.

I stood in line with the rest of the crazies of Chicago - Northside yesterday at the Social Security office for 36 hours. I lost my SS card when we moved here, and I need it for the new DL and it's a huge mess.

Sorry this blog is so boring, excuse me, sobering; it will be better next time. I did of course find another job, and have my final interview on Monday. So send lots of luck my way!!!!! I haven't smoked in 7 days now, so I've been moving a mile a minute to stay busy.


P.S. I found a flowershop near my apt this morning in the beautiful rain. The arrangements are dated and traditional, but the cooler is filled with amazing stems (and cheap too). It's Beu's Flowers, check em out, get the Bells of Ireland, they're my favorite.

P.S.S. Will somebody please tell me what the point of having is if the business can call and have the bad reviews deleted? Yes, this is true. -------- We don't take responsibilty and find a solution for the problem, we delete these reviews, they're personal attacks. -----Okay, I'm done. :)

P.S.S.S. I usually know the difference from when someone is being sincere and genuinely nice while I'm working, and when they just want a discount. I was duped big time by a dude who's too cool for school and I just wanted to make a friend out of the situation. Then I made it worse by sending an email. I rocked it out with a bang. That's how I roll. ;)

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Finding The Good

If there's one thing that I have noticed lately, it would be a sort of unflattering substance that seems to be growing and growing. I include myself in this discovery. It's as if a grudge is being carried around, or, a mental hatred of something that has yet to occur - and with this hatred an inevitable outcome of what they assumed would happen does, in fact, happen. I walked into 7-11 finding that as I was looking for gum, a person walked into the store for lottery tickets, being absurdly rude, and the demeanor of this person was completely noticeable when they first walked in. Was it a bravado of readiness because they thought they would be holding up the line for minutes on end? Was it because they knew that the guy behind the counter would have a bit of trouble with them calling out the numbers as if playing a speed round of Bingo? Or was it just for the purpose of not liking or wanting to contribute in small talk, should it present itself? I may never know.

I've been noticing how my stance on common courtesy has dwindled in some areas. Being the Texas country boy that I am, it bothers me. I work in retail/sales, so a smile is always on my face when I'm on the clock, ready to make that sale, because this is how I make my paycheck. I sometimes would rather not smile, being as this is work, and being as this is not an establishment that I enjoy being part of, and this could be part of my predicament.

I have seen people get upset when they have to repeat themselves and say, "I said NO onions!", followed by the "bitch." said underneath their breath. I have seen a postal worker, who clearly disliked their position, be rude to the three people standing in line in front of me. I have seen myself be a complete dick to a car sales guy, in reasoning that he was a car sales guy. It's a circle. It's life. It's a game. It's a circle. There are genuinely nice, friendly, breezy people in this world. Some of whom have the patience that most dream of and the qualities of human-ness and a caring nature that are envied by many. Still, we go out the next day, and do the same thing. There are of course those days when you are nice to everyone, or you're indoors all day and haven't even had the priveledge to see anybody. Either way, it was a good and pleasant day. It's like smoking, or rather, quitting smoking. You see the person in an everyday activity not smoking, and you want that, and you try it. Then the thought goes away for a few minutes, and you are, without a flinch, as if it is a reflex, back to what you were doing before. Then, after you do it, you think back to the good person doing the good deed. In fact, there are those people who don't even see the good, or the nice person, or the friendly gesture, and this is what we do not want to become. I don't want to be bitter. I don't want to be a tool because it is my nature. Because it isn't. So many people I have seen lately have been walking around feeling rushed or with an attitude or overall not giving a shit. The fact that we wake up every morning is a blessing in itself, and it is hard to keep that in mind; because of its consistency with daily life. But we should keep it in mind. It should be held that anything at anytime can happen. Our worries shouldn't be that of ugliness. Our enemies shouldn't be attached to strangers on the street, or anyone else for that matter. We shouldn't have premonitions about things that haven't happened yet, nor should we make assumptions about people and places just to create a negative. We should breath, live and love and live and love and live and love. Here is a great example: I took notice of so many people lately having a negative impact, that I didn't see many of the good that could have happened at that same moment. And this should be my reflex - finding the good.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Day....Who Knows?..............A Million Ways in a Thousand Days

I haven't felt like writing lately. Obviously. But I'm here now, and that is what matters. To be honest, I took away from what this blog was originally designed for me to accomplished, almost as if I wasn't taking it seriously, and that is why I stopped. Also, life handed me sour lemons, and I apparently kept them attached to my hip constantly for the past few weeks because it wasn't fun.

Let us begin.

Relationships shouldn't be hard. I'm not talking about the ones that are dipped in romance, but all relationships in general. Friendships, partnerships, lesser/lessee, family relationships, etc. I understand that they need to be tended to, but difficult, no.

I also understand that I am hard headed. It is amazing, even to me, some of the things that slip out of my mouth. Sometimes it feels as though I took a verbal enema, let it set for a while, then let it all out at once. I apologize in advance for my rambling, as well as my lack of keeping things in any certain order. My OCD doesn't cover the need to keep things orderly.

Anyway, I am learning to not speak before coffee. I am learning to not argue over the petty things that can be resolved. I am learning that even though I could say exactly what you want to hear......sometimes I need to keep my mouth shut. I am learning that (gulp) I may not always be right. And I am learning to not say, "I'm Sorry." too much. Okay, now that I am learning these things, I need to be productive and use them. I'm trying.....and learning.

I cancelled all of my classes for this semester. It was a decision that I will hopefully be glad that I made. It was hard to do. I am living with the fact that I want to do a million things all at once. My education just wasn't in the cards for me this term, and I didn't have the energy, the time, the patience, or the nerve to continue. It's good though, I have set my soon to be frost-covered eyes on something else. The story of my wonderful Granny. But, I will come back to that.

It is strange how everything can all go at a person at once. Finances, stress, finances, stress, people, relatives, bill collectors........stress..........BAM.....they all hit me in the face at once. It took me a few days to grab the wheel and take back control over my daily routine. As I am growing older, I can feel that I worry more, that I stress out more. It blows. And don't tell me that it's a part of growing up because that is pure bullshit. :) (And I'm sorry for being so negative, but give me a couple of days.....I'm back to reading E,P,L again, that's a step, and it only takes one) I felt overwhelmed and I couldn't concentrate (insert quitting school here) and I took all of my frustration out on telemarketers (insert people who want to quit their job because of me here). I didn't meditate, because that would require me to sit down, and I hardly ever do that anymore, and the funny thing is, when I think about it, I'm not THAT busy. I just need to make myself sit still and take deep breaths. WHEW.

Over the past few weeks I have been in that place where I miss home, my friends back home, my old house back home..........It's insane to me that I was so ready to get out of there (since birth), and I now miss it. Granted, Matthew McConaughey did purchase a home in Amarillo, the thought is still rather appealing without that tidbit of information. I am going back to visit soon, so this will help with my anxiety on that end.

What else?

Work is same ole same ole, nothing new there. BUT, we have some amazing artists at the shop right now and they should definitely be checked out. We had an event this past Friday for the artists, and there was wine and great food, and it was really nice. It was awesome to be around a lot of people, all there in support (and for free booze), and the fact that there was dim lighting made me feel good too. It was just a nice fall scene, and it (and the wine) loosened me up, and helped rid me of stress and worrysome feelings. Infact, maybe I shall attend parties and drink wine every night. The only downfall was that I was in the alley at night time and saw TWO rats. One jumped. No...I'm serious...JUMPED.

I'm cutting it short now, I'm tired. I am getting some info together to try and write a book about my wonderful and amazing Granny who passed away a few years ago. My heart always goes towards her, and her life is one that deserves to be written about. Even if I am the only who reads it. This has kept me busy the past couple of days, and I love having something else redirect my attention from things that give me stress.

Goodnight, all.

P.S. We trimmed Briggon's hair yesterday. He now feels amazing without 30lbs of fur on his body. He reminds me of a fat kid with a round face whose parents made him get a buzz cut for the summer. He looks like he just stepped out of the dryer. I love him.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Days 26 - 29......Maybe I Know Nothing

Maybe overanalyzing EVERYTHING in my life is causing half of the pain and sorrow I deal with. The past few days have been, putting it mildly, a bit rough. Where do I begin? Let's see......It all started this past Sunday morning.....

I awoke to the scene of my white bedroom and could see gray clouds peeking through the miniblinds. This made me wake up with a huge smile on my face. I like my bedding's a natural and clean look and it looks overly comfortable just looking at it, and when I wake up in the morning it's like I'm on clouds....wait...that sounded really gay....anyway.......

I got out of bed and Mike was lying on the sofa with his coffee watching VH1, so I took Gisele to Starbucks with me for the usual Iced Venti Sugar-free Vanilla Coffee with a non-fat topper, then, and I haven't done this in a while, we went through the drive-thru at Dunkin' Donuts and I picked up a DOZEN donuts. We are talking twelve people, and mmmm mmmm mmmmmmm, they was so good, baby. :) I brought what was left in the donut box up stairs, and we went to some garage sales, and then went to the park.

Keep in mind, I NEVER have Sunday's off. It was borderline amazing, and we spent a long time at the park; the d o double g's didn't mind a bit. It fell so fall like, the trees are starting to change colors, and as I was walking under them picking up Briggon's poop with a baggy (what else would I use), I noticed a huge tree with miniature acorns under it. I then started picking them up. They were everywhere. I was being picky however, only wanting the acorns that had the tops still on them, which made the task difficult. They were sparce. But, I was a determined, for some reason, and Mike started to help me. After a while, I got a pretty good amount, and I put them in an apothecary jar once we got to the apartment.

Once we did get to the apartment, I felt the urge to do some fall cleaning, so I started to clean out closets, I gathered clothes to be donated, books, etc. I was quite pleased with myself. During this time, Mike had gotten called out for a trip, so he had to leave for the airport.

I then spent the rest of the afternoon relaxing until I received a call from "text boy" about helping him move. Now....I know I said that I wasn't, but I discussed it with Amy, and I told her that I wanted to do it to be nice, as a nice gesture, as a piece of Kharma that could later come around. It wasn't that I needed to be saying, "Oh, I did this nice thing for "text boy," oh no, nothing like that, but, I was saying, "It's okay to be friends, I want to help with this." Although, I still felt it rather weird him asking me to help, but it's ok. It's ok. I went and helped for about an hour and a half, then came home. I'm glad that I did it, and that's that. This is about finding happiness, and ultimately helping others always makes you feel good.

On the other hand, I was talking to one of my BFF's, Sandy, and it wasn't even the fact that I liked "text boy", because I didn't want anything, and he wasn't really my type, BUT why do I feel that I have to try to make someone like me like that?!!? Is it the imaginary chase that IS NOT happening? HAHAHAHAHAHA! It cracks me up that I'm like this! It's like, "No, I don't like you, but you damn well better like me." How effed up is that? I'm twisted, and I got it twisted. Another downfall. Boy, oh boy....boys are weird anyway. His other friends and I took a quick break from carrying things up a 4th FLOOR walkup, and I was asked how I knew him. After giving my reply of, "Oh, I sold him furniture a few weeks ago." I wanted to jump into traffic! It was embarrassing and it totally made me look like I was asking for it. In which case, I wasn't. OH! Reliving this moment now makes me want to jump out the window, and note to self: Never, ever wear bronzer when you are going to help someone move and you're sweating your ass off. Not cute. Not one bit. I then came home and chain smoked. :)

I am trying to find something else to take place of money being the root of all that is evil and wrong, again, only when I don't have it. It is awful how you HAVE to have something and how it has sooooo much control over your life. I know that it is a part of life, but, come on, and when you are broke, and don't lie, even OPRAH and her moneybags gets on your nerves. I'm not lying, and this is an example of how I need to push my anger elsewhere. Maybe I'll write her a letter and then I can be the effing princess for a day. :) I had a lot of anger on Monday and Tuesday. It started with money, and it's one of those things that cannot be explained, but happens all of the time. And, in fact, it wasn't even money rather then just being in an angry mood, where nothing can be controlled, nothing can make you happy, you just want to bawl. It was weird. I know that I have some days, when I wish my friends from home were up here to be with me. That's natural, and yet it is still so frustrating knowing that you can't have both....unless you're Oprah. :) I will not move back home, and I am dealing with it, but sometimes I just need my KK. Love you, Kylyn!!!!! I go and walk around the mall, I walk a lot when things like this happens. When moods like these happen. When life happens.

I went back to the park yesterday morning by myself. I found larger acorns. I walked alone, for a few hours. It was so peaceful, and I loved/loathed it at the same time. I truly believe that being alone too much isn't healthy. I'm not saying that I am, I am saying, however, that the path can easily be taken to do so. When I'm alone, the leaves on the trees are richer in color, the grass is full and thicker, the scent from the water of the river is more potent. Maybe this is my time with God, because I notice so much that I don't even think of when I'm with someone else. It's a very surreal feeling. I'm in this huge park, and I'm alone, and I can see the layers and layers of branches over my head and I can see the sky and I can feel peace and a sense of release, even if for a few moments, and I am put at ease, again, even for a few moments. Maybe this is why I'm always drawn here when things get to be too much. It's pure bliss, it is God, and it is my time with Him......and with that, I'm not alone at all.

I have been doing just as good as I was on the smoking thing. But, I was sitting outside smoking last night, and as I was sitting there, and SKUNK came around the corner of the little porch and came half a foot from touching mine! I am convinced that there is a kingdom of skunks around somewhere that has a vendetta against me, for what, I don't know. I threw my cigarette, jumped up, held my breath, ran up the stairs, opened the door, woke Mike up, because I AM NOT going to deal with this without his help, and locked the door. You know, because a skunk can run up three flights of stairs and turn the knob. I dunno, I was in a panic. It was beyond disgusting!!!!! I called 311, they couldn't help me. I called pest control this morning, but they want money, and so do I, so we had a draw. I believe I will have to call the landlord. We will see. By we, I mean me, because I am apparently the only one who they bother. Stilll, I don't know, but I am sorry you gross, disease-ridden rodents for whatever it is that I did.

I'm much better tonight. The dogs are lying in front of me on the bed fast asleep. I love it. I have some old skool r&b on the radio and I'm enjoying the downtime. Just gotta keep on keeping on.....keep your head up. :)

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Days 22 - 24..........It Takes Two, Boo

Over the past few days, it has come to my attention that for as many things that happen throughout the course of a day, it takes two people interacting to accomplish them. Whether it be a conversation, a bad phone call, an amazing rapport, or a text that is sent from one person and is read and analyzed by the other, someone has to be on the other end.

I'll come back to that.

I have definitely been having more good days than bad days. It's a complete life change trying to be positive, and what I have noticed from it is how negative many people are. Just kidding, but not really. But what really stands out, is when I start to get down on myself, or start having a bad day, it is so easy to be sucked into it, and just let everything ruin the rest of the day. I have trouble there.

For instance, Friday was a real BITCH. I mean, it was just an awful day. It started from, literally, the moment I rolled over in bed and checked my phone and see a text message from "text boy" that was weird and I didn't like it. There have been a lot of mixed signals, and I did go the night before to see his new digs, and by the way it's a great space, and it was fun. I still wasn't asked much about myself, but it was nice all the same. Anyway, i receive a message of, "Dinner with friends is always a good time!" This was replying to my text from the night before asking to go to dinner. BURNED!!!!! I felt completely lame, but my amazing and fabulous friend, Sandy, told me that I'm not, and she is always right. It just felt like kind of a waste, because he is genuinely a nice and goodlooking guy, but if he doesn't even want to get to know me, that's ok too. It just brought out a bit of insecurity and self-consciousness that wasn't fun to deal with, but I dealt with it. AND, I in all honesty dealt with it the wrong way because all I did all day was bitch about it, and that was a roadbump in the road of my journey to happiness. So I need to figure out another way to deal with it. Ultimately, I'm not a game player (for the most part), and I'm straight forward (sometimes). I'm over it now. UPDATE : He just texted me asking if I was going to help him move. WTF?!?!?!? Okay, now I'm only kind of over it. :) And before ya'll get all Ricki Lake on me, I'm not going to help him move, so put that hand down and close your mouth. I know better. Now I have to stop.

My brain is a bit fried because I have been overanalyzing all kinds of crap over and over in my head all week. I would love to hear someone's opinion to yoga, or tai chi, or an actual meditation class. Please, let me know. I am probably repeating myself on this blog, but, I am CONSTANTLY thinking about EVERYTHING. It has helped getting it all on here, but sometimes it's just too much.

And can I just say that I dislike money very much. Well, I dislike what happens when you don't really have money. Yes, I'm in school. Yes, I have a job. Yet, I hate feeling persecuted because this is late or that is past due. Honestly big time corporations, get over it. The person you are employing to call and harrass me, who is going through the exact same thing that I'm going through with another company, is not going to make me give you money faster. The big words and dialogue that is written down for them to read isn't going to make me say, "Hey, screw eating and not paying rent, I'm going to give you money that you shouldn't have." Wow, you're too smart, and don't get me started on how your whole business is run by machines, in which case, you will soon be replaced by a computer, who will of course not require such a hefty salary. Now......back to happiness.

I think that my venting on here helps with my happiness. I don't see venting as being bitchy, or whatever, well maybe, but, it has to come out some way. Maybe I could meditate it out....if I could shadooby it out I would.......I know that I shouldn't have other people read's just a process. And, as you all know, I'm still trying to figure that out.

I took off work tomorrow. I'm so excited but I have to help someone move all day. Lol, psych your mind, I'm just kidding. I'm gonna do some pre-fall cleaning around this joint and hang out with the kids and enjoy the day!!!! I need to get back to posting everyday too, but I'm doing the best I can.

Nighty night.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Days 19-21.......How do I Balance My Life, When I don't Balance My Checkbook?

Well, school started on Monday. I was a bit nervous, I don't know why. I mean, I talk to people for a living, yet when I walked into the classroom, I felt like a kindergartener who was shy to ask to borrow another kid's crayon. It just takes time, I guess.........

I think that the classes are going to be pretty cool. Two Englishes and one Biology, so my load is definitely lighter than last semester. I just have to figure out how to balance everything. Between Mike being gone on a trip, the dogs and cat, school, work, blah, blah, blah.......I really need to figure it out. I usually get to the point where I am so overwhelmed, that I get that shakey nervous feeling and then just call a bill collector and vent to them. In which case, it isn't their problem.....but I'm sure that they deal with a lot more worse people than me. :)

I've done pretty good so far getting on a schedule with everything, so adding school shouldn't be that much of an issue, I very well could just be adding drama that isn't necessary.

Not much else really happening within the past few days. I may have to turn away from my Eat, Pray, Love because I now have to read about 150 pages from my American Lit. class everyweek. I am determined though to finish it on my pursuit of what is pursueable, and that is, ultimate happiness.

I learned a new word in American Lit. class today. Liminal. Liminal - a psychological, neurological, or metaphysical subjective, conscious state of being on the "threshold" of or between two different existential planes. We then discussed the word, and I thought it rather interesting. Our discussion was based on a writing of Samuel de Champlain. We were talking about just being. Just to BE. In his writings, he talks of going from one place to another, in which case, could be a lifelong struggle, and considered liminal. I am in a liminal state as I try to find a more possible happy outcome after my journey. Yet, we are all on a journey. We as a people are always working towards something better, towards something that we don't have, and possibly towards the American Dream. This is an ongoing process, and one that usually lasts a lifetime. What if we were to just "be"? Just live to live, and not worry about possessions materialistic or whathaveyou, JUST LIVE. Wouldn't that be considered ultimate happiness because you are just being? You are living. You're content and you are not in a liminal state. Isn't it weird knowing that we are liminally living in a state of always being between two.....of anything? I find it weird, but I also find it fascinating!

Anyway, as I stay in my liminal state towards a greater happiness, I will continue to find some sort of balance that will compliment my life and coincide with it without causing difficulty, all the while thinking, "What would it be like to just 'be'?"

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Days 17 & 18........Lethal Perception

Let's get down to business. I am coming to the conclusion that having a perception for people can be a very bad thing. At least, in my case, during these past few days, it has been. Let's start with Example #1....and feel free to take notes:

I have been texting with someone for over a week now. There was a movie that we both attended, about five minutes of friendly banter, then some more texting.....not as much as before, but it was still on going. This handsome man has purchased things from me, we text about furniture, and that's about it. So, to see if there is any interest there (I'm not looking for a relationship, but still.....) I extend an invitation to do something outside of visiting at my place of work or texting. I get a reply that states, pretty much, that they're busy this week (which they are), and that it isn't that, "I'm not not wanting to." Really? The downfall of this whole uneventful escapade is the fact that there hasn't been much talk about anything else except for furniture that he is purchasing. And let's face it, as much as I enjoy talking about furniture, it's not as much fun as talking about myself. :) I'm kidding, but let's get real, you can't really get to know someone in this type of setting unless you learn about them outside on a personal basis, and not on a home improving scale. The bottom line is that it is hard knowing that you are being perceived through text messaging, for the most part, where you cannot see emotions or senses of sarcasm on the screen of a Blackberry, and this, for lack of a better use of words, sucks ass. He very well could be a great guy, he certainly has amazing taste, and hopefully I will be able to surpass the technology of text messaging and get to know him in person. We'll see.

Example #2

Whoever coined the phrase, "If you think you hate everyone on the planet, talk to someone who works in retail," obviously had bad experience in the field, but they weren't completely off the mark, in fact, they were quite close. It's hard to travel through a journey of finding happiness when there are some hateful people in this world. Take a mother and her son who were both in the store today with her husband and his wife looking at home accessories. I was very friendly and smiling and doing my job. There was no reason for The Mother to give me the evil eye and act as though I was getting ready to hand out the Swine Flu for Halloween. First it was, "well, if my son buys a lot of clearance items, can you take a little off the price?" "No, I can't." I tell her this and she just stares at me......awkward. It went on and on, and she thought that I was swindling them into buying all of these things at apparently what she thought to be high prices, when infact they were marked down over 60% off and consisted of merely a couple of lamps, a mirror, and a little dresser. My goodness, you would have thought that I was trying to sell them a used car at the price of a new Audi. It's this perception crap.
Her perception of me was a "sleezy" salesman. And, of course, I'm not. Which brings me to my point. It's almost like judgement. Actually, they could be given hand in hand on most levels. Don't judge a book by it's cover. Don't judge a person by their text messages. Don't judge a person because of their clothing, or job, or status, or car, or whatever. It's sad, but I realized that I do it, and that I shouldn't, and it really opens your eyes! It is insane to me to think that I have the right to assume that I am better than somebody else, only by taking them at face-value. Jeez. Just a little somthing to think about as I continue my journey.

I start classes tomorrow, wish me much luck!

Dream Sweet.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Day 16......A Skunk is NOT a Kitty

I didn't sleep much last night and I woke up at 1 o'clock in the morning to check my bank account. I know that I said I was going to stop, but my phone was lying right there next to my trusty eye mask, and the man's soothing automated voice was calling for me. So, I obliged. Then, at 3am, I was craving a Diet Sprite, and I haven't had a Diet Sprite since the last time I was sick, when you're supposed to drink Diet Sprite, because that's what you do. I was tempted to walk to 7-11, but it was rainy.

THEN I woke up at 6am, and that is when I began my day, at the Spin Cycle ready to do laundry half an hour later. Poor Mike, I sometimes feel sorry for him when I'm ready to conquer the world so early, and by world, I mean go shopping at thrift stores and garage sales before work. Why must I always be up and ready to go right when I wake up? I'm not one to just lounge around and watch sexy Matt Lauer on the Today Show, start the coffee maker, and lie on the sofa. No, no, no, not me, I have to jump in the shower, take the dogs to the park, then go to Starbucks and listen to whatever hip indie/jazzy music they're playing, THEN come home and watch sexy Matt Lauer on the Today Show as I prepare lunch for the morning and sweep the hardwood, all this even before a morning BM. I mean, seriously, sometimes I wish I could calm down and relax and just go with it. But, if I just go with it, I feel that I'm going to miss something, but in all honesty, I'm not going to miss anything. I'm rambling........

So, one of my all time favorite things to do in the morning is go to Target. I literally cannot get enough. I walk into that store with the biggest grin on my face, carrying it all the way to the Method cleaning products (because the Sweet Water scent makes me CRAZY). Then I just walk around and do nothing. Maybe this is my relaxation. wait........Maybe this is my relaxation? That's better. What if, instead of lying on the sofa sipping coffee, my relaxation is Target? Hmmmmm. Ladies and gentle ladies, I believe I have just had a breakthrough. Infact, what if my relaxation is really, in all honesty, walking around ANY retail establishment? It is my duty to relax, and if I must shop around in stores to accomplish full relaxation, who am I to not give myself this sense of zen? Ok then. Next time I go to Target, I will go to their "Serene CD" section next to maternity and meditate on something amazing, that only Target would have, and reach out to the wonderful towels and bath sheets that are so soft that I could, and probably would, meditate until I reached a perfect, no stress, utter perfection of what being carefree really is. Wow, that felt good.

I had a great day at work today, too. I had done a design consultation at a customer's house this past Monday, and he came in today to check out the ideas I had for his space. He really liked them and pretty much said, "Let's do it." So we did....and I'm going to help stage the space once it's delivered.

After work I went to the mall to buy hand soaps from Bath and Body Works, another guilty pleasure. Bath and Body Works is very much like Sephora, whereas it is a mecca for product whores like myself. I love it. Then I came home, went to Walgreens, went to get my winning lotto ticket, blah, blah, blah......and THEN, on my way home, I was walking past what I thought was a cat, was......gulp.....a.......SKUNK! I had always thought that urban skunks were a myth.......but no, they are infact very real. It was dark on the block, and I saw it start to run away, and I could hear it's disgusting nails hitting the pavement as it ran down the sidewalk. I stood there, then I moved to the left, then the right.....I looked like I was doing the Electric Slide in the middle of an effing Cul-de-Sac, by myself, at 9:30 at night. Oh the humanity! Then it ran infront of me, crossing the road, I wanted to vomit. I couldn't vomit though, because for some reason, I was just as worried about the smell. I kept sniffing, and sniffing, then holding my breath and sniffing some more. Nothing. Thank God. I didn't want to get it on me, and knowing my luck, everyone in the apartment building where the incident was occuring in front of, would have opened their windows only to see a lone white boy with a serious gas problem. Not to be dramatic.

But alas, I am now lying in bed working on my blog, and I smell of Warm Vanilla Sugar from Bath and Body Works thanks to my trusty new bottle of hand soap. Life is good.


Thursday, August 27, 2009

Day 15........What's in a Name?

We are now on Day 2 of rain. I am rather enjoying it and see it as a sneak preview of fall. I finally got to get my books today at Northeastern, and I start school on Monday! It is amazing to me how 9 hours of school costs almost $300 in books. CRAZY! I have to be careful too, because I had $574 from Financial Aid, and I could go shopping with the rest of it in the bookstore. And believe me, I could! I was good though. We will see about tomorrow. I had a customer in the store, who is a regular, and he called me "Patrick". Then, I had another customer come in today and asked, "It's Brett, right?" He was from New Zealand with an amazing accent, so I let that one slide. At the same time, during the course of today, I am having texting issues with a guy, and it is just annoying. It's too much! I was feeling sorry for myself until "text" guy came in to say 'hi'. Now it's awkward texts (or lack thereof) again. Oh well.

I was walking home from work, with a bit of a drizzle, and about 62 degrees, and it was awesome. I thought for a while about what was making me happy. I also thought that maybe, just maybe, to find true happiness I should try to be happy with what I have in my life now. Hmmmm?? The next few days I will ponder more into this and see what happens.

I'm about to read now, I was debating earlier on shortening my name from Brad, to something else, but if you can't remember a four letter name, then I don't care to get to know you anyway. I type this with the utmost positive energy.


Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Day 14.........The Beat Goes On

So yesterday I went to the movies with a guy who is a customer of mine from work, and it was two, two and a half minute conversations, one before, and one after the movie. He is a nice guy, but it was weird because we really still do not know each other. I just wanted to get that out of the way.......

You know those days where you wake up at 5:47am, wanting a huge apple pancake, and you're willing to take the train all the way downtown to have one? Well, this morning was one of those mornings. Luckily, I rolled over and grabbed my eye mask and forced myself to go back to sleep.

I woke up again a little before 8 o'clock and convinced Mike to go to the burbs so that I could have an adventure trip to Hobby Lobby. It was rainy, and gray, and nothing beats a cloudy day than having craft hour at THE place of crafts. I hadn't been since I lived in Amarillo, over two years ago, so it was great. :) They had aisles and aisles of fall decorations and even Christmas ornaments and I was in Heaven! Then after that, after we left Hobby Lobby, we went to IKEA, where I had three levels of happiness. It was madness, madness that was needed.

I kept a close eye on my supposed 'control-freak' issue, noticing a bit of what Bryan was talking about as I drew a blank picture with my fingers of directions that the man at the gas station was giving me. After saying, "so it's almost like driving in a three-sided square, huh?" four times, I gave up. I looked like I was giving a meeting, and the woman behind me only wanted to pay for her Marlboro 100's, and I could tell that the man behind the counter thought I was an idiot. So with that, I put my fingers down and walked back out to the car with nothing, really. Oh well.

Later this afternoon, I walked through the park to Starbucks to grab an iced coffee, and as soon as I walked back out of the store it was pouring. I was only 6 blocks away from home, so I decided to call my friend, Dana, and walk it. I lasted about 15 minutes, and then I had to call Mike to get me. I was soaked, and it was kind of nice, because I really didn't care until the end. I got home and took a nap, something I never do, then ate my weight in Orange Chicken. MMMMMMMM.

I didn't call my bank once today. I didn't call any bill collector's once today. I let I'm going to read past page 12 tonight with Eat, Pray, Love. I'm feeling good and I ripped out a new frangrance I like for fall out of the new GQ. Go me.

Nighty night.