Day....Who Knows?..............A Million Ways in a Thousand Days

I haven't felt like writing lately. Obviously. But I'm here now, and that is what matters. To be honest, I took away from what this blog was originally designed for me to accomplished, almost as if I wasn't taking it seriously, and that is why I stopped. Also, life handed me sour lemons, and I apparently kept them attached to my hip constantly for the past few weeks because it wasn't fun.

Let us begin.

Relationships shouldn't be hard. I'm not talking about the ones that are dipped in romance, but all relationships in general. Friendships, partnerships, lesser/lessee, family relationships, etc. I understand that they need to be tended to, but difficult, no.

I also understand that I am hard headed. It is amazing, even to me, some of the things that slip out of my mouth. Sometimes it feels as though I took a verbal enema, let it set for a while, then let it all out at once. I apologize in advance for my rambling, as well as my lack of keeping things in any certain order. My OCD doesn't cover the need to keep things orderly.

Anyway, I am learning to not speak before coffee. I am learning to not argue over the petty things that can be resolved. I am learning that even though I could say exactly what you want to hear......sometimes I need to keep my mouth shut. I am learning that (gulp) I may not always be right. And I am learning to not say, "I'm Sorry." too much. Okay, now that I am learning these things, I need to be productive and use them. I'm trying.....and learning.

I cancelled all of my classes for this semester. It was a decision that I will hopefully be glad that I made. It was hard to do. I am living with the fact that I want to do a million things all at once. My education just wasn't in the cards for me this term, and I didn't have the energy, the time, the patience, or the nerve to continue. It's good though, I have set my soon to be frost-covered eyes on something else. The story of my wonderful Granny. But, I will come back to that.

It is strange how everything can all go at a person at once. Finances, stress, finances, stress, people, relatives, bill collectors........stress..........BAM.....they all hit me in the face at once. It took me a few days to grab the wheel and take back control over my daily routine. As I am growing older, I can feel that I worry more, that I stress out more. It blows. And don't tell me that it's a part of growing up because that is pure bullshit. :) (And I'm sorry for being so negative, but give me a couple of days.....I'm back to reading E,P,L again, that's a step, and it only takes one) I felt overwhelmed and I couldn't concentrate (insert quitting school here) and I took all of my frustration out on telemarketers (insert people who want to quit their job because of me here). I didn't meditate, because that would require me to sit down, and I hardly ever do that anymore, and the funny thing is, when I think about it, I'm not THAT busy. I just need to make myself sit still and take deep breaths. WHEW.

Over the past few weeks I have been in that place where I miss home, my friends back home, my old house back home..........It's insane to me that I was so ready to get out of there (since birth), and I now miss it. Granted, Matthew McConaughey did purchase a home in Amarillo, the thought is still rather appealing without that tidbit of information. I am going back to visit soon, so this will help with my anxiety on that end.

What else?

Work is same ole same ole, nothing new there. BUT, we have some amazing artists at the shop right now and they should definitely be checked out. We had an event this past Friday for the artists, and there was wine and great food, and it was really nice. It was awesome to be around a lot of people, all there in support (and for free booze), and the fact that there was dim lighting made me feel good too. It was just a nice fall scene, and it (and the wine) loosened me up, and helped rid me of stress and worrysome feelings. Infact, maybe I shall attend parties and drink wine every night. The only downfall was that I was in the alley at night time and saw TWO rats. One jumped. No...I'm serious...JUMPED.

I'm cutting it short now, I'm tired. I am getting some info together to try and write a book about my wonderful and amazing Granny who passed away a few years ago. My heart always goes towards her, and her life is one that deserves to be written about. Even if I am the only who reads it. This has kept me busy the past couple of days, and I love having something else redirect my attention from things that give me stress.

Goodnight, all.

P.S. We trimmed Briggon's hair yesterday. He now feels amazing without 30lbs of fur on his body. He reminds me of a fat kid with a round face whose parents made him get a buzz cut for the summer. He looks like he just stepped out of the dryer. I love him.